The Gold Standard was retired in 1971, and since that time nothing has replaced it. Secretary of the Treasury Scott Bessent is slated to announce an important shift in American fiscal policy, the adoption of the Greed Standard. The decision was reached at the most recent RF Economic Outlook Conference held in the Cayman islands (which denies it is a safe haven for free-floating currency).
”We were in a jogjam for a sale,” said spokesperson Mr. Yen-Shekel Dinero, “trying to use finite resources like precious metals as the foundation for a new standard. As soon as we struck on the idea of greed, the whole things just seemed to click.”
Dinero said that the domestic stockpile is an infinitely renewable resource, such that the U.S. will never have to rely on foreign suppliers. He avers that it’s not just the abundance of the resource, but its relative purity, that makes it so valuable. “We’ve had scientists and social scientists out in the field for some time and their research clearly shows that our supply is almost completely untainted by such pollutants as guilt or ambivalence. In fact, the strain is getting more and more pure over time.”
The reason for this remains difficult to determine. One theory posits that a shift in the techtonic plate the U.S. sits on is causing the release of a new gas, “Greedon.” However, many consider that idea highly speculative and point to the example being set by the new administration, which has embraced the greed concept. Indeed, it has taken steps to make it a foundational precept, which it believes will help America avoid a “greed gap.”
Details of the implementation plan have not been finalized, but sources say that to succeed, “a core of Americans will have to get on board, including sports team owners, hedge fund managers and especially techbros, all of whom we will call upon to redouble their patriotic efforts.”
The beauty of this plan, says Dinero, is that people who harbor more archaic ideas about income distribution and generosity will be so poor and powerless that their non-participation will be a non-issue.
Some compare this effort to that which entailed implementing the metric system, but most believe the Greed Standard has a much better chance to succeed. Pundits note that instead of being asked to learn something new, this is simply a acceleration of precepts Americans have been taught and, with increasing frequency, can witness being put into action every day.
The measure is expected to find quick acceptance by Congress. The President has been quoted as saying “It’s about time,” and declares that he eagerly awaits signing the bill.